Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?

We’re gonna have a problem here…. (1)

Yesterday at work I made a joke about stabbing people. Everyone stopped and stared at me in shock for a minute and then burst out laughing. They didn’t expect something so violent to come out of my pretty little white girl mouth (where my basic bitches at?). Surprisingly, this happens to me regularly. People just can’t handle my classic good looks, quick wit, and violent thoughts. OBVIOUSLY I’d never stab someone, but in the context of the conversation, it just made sense.

Because my obscene thoughts are often met with shock and awe, I started thinking. Am I the new Slim Shady of 2017? LOL no. But there are a plethora of similarities between us – we’re both short (respectively, I’m shorter than Slim), we’re both angry blondes, we both love Beats by Dre (headphones and otherwise), and we both wonder about whatever happened to wildin’ out and being violent. (2)

I’m no Rap God (3), so I needed to find a different way to release my hilarious, compelling, somewhat controversial thoughts to the world. I found the perfect place to spit my shit – this blog! I hope you find my thoughts and experiences entertaining, and maybe you’ll even relate.

But if I offend you, good. Because I just don’t give a fuck. (4)

Credit where credit is due –

  1. The Real Slim Shady – by Eminem
  2. Marshall Mathers – by Eminem
  3. Rap God – by Eminem
  4. Just Don’t Give a Fuck – by Eminem