Okay, I’m going to attempt to drown myself….

You can try this at home. You can be just like me. (1)

Okay people, let’s talk about minding your own damn business.

I work at a large company and we have an open seating arrangement that’s really annoying. There’s no offices, no cubicles, just a row of tables and the employees sit side by side, like a millennial sweat shop. Anytime anyone speaks, the whole office can hear it. Bye bye privacy. So there’s this one guy who sits near me and takes it upon himself to tell my boss (who works remotely) every little thing I say. What a douche. So then I get a call 10 minutes later from my boss “Were you complaining about me?” “Do you hate your job?” “Do you regularly contemplate murder/suicide during business hours?” Okay, in all fairness the answer is probably a hard yes to all of those questions, but YOU AREN’T HERE AND YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO KNOW.

I know all of you reading this are polite, kind, business minders, but for anyone who may be unfamiliar with the concept or need to develop the skill set, get ready for a LIFE LESSON.

  1. Did you hear the full conversation? No? Then maybe don’t repeat it, idiot.
  2. Was I speaking to you? No? Then kindly BUTT OUT.
  3. Does what I’m saying affect you in any way, shape, or form? No? Cool. MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS.

I can’t tell you how understanding and practicing those 3 little concepts will advance your life and your career, because if you don’t, people will hate you, you’ll have no friends, and you will die.

Whatever. I’m going to play kickball.

And if I offended you, good. Because I still don’t give a fuck. (2)



Credit where credit is due –

  1. Role Model – by Eminem
  2. Still Don’t Give A Fuck – by Eminem